I've been thinking about who might read my blog. There's a lot of stuff I want to put on here, but there's stuff I don't necessarily want some people to read. For instance, if I were to put something on here about how I have dates with 4 different guys in the next week, if one of those guys saw that, he might get a little butt hurt. Then again, if he did, he might not be a guy I want to spend time with anyway. :)
Another example...I can't really write about much of my extracurricular experiences, trials, frustrations, comedies, etc. the way I would like to, because my step-daughter, mom, brothers, etc. might read about it. I get all kinds of hell from my mom... just thinking about getting a phone call, instant message, or email about a topic in my blog makes me "tired."
So, this tells me a couple things:
- I care too much what other people think...I'm letting their opinions affect who I portray myself to be, and that's not entirely healthy.
- If I can't be totally open and honest and blunt about myself, is there something I need to change so I feel that I can be that way?
- I need to figure out who I am AND who I want to be.
- I need to come to terms with who I've been, where I've been, and how that has shaped me. I can't change the past, and therefore need to learn from it, not be ashamed of it or try to hide it.
- I know some people say not to glorify the past or tell "war stories" that glorify bad behavior or horrible experiences, but hell, if I learned something profound from an experience, there may be a chance that someone else might learn something from my sharing of it. And it's therapeutic to get stuff written down.
This is going to take some work...
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