Zen

To see a World in a grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of you hand

And Eternity in an hour.

~William Blake

Melanie gave me THE ESSENCE OF ZEN, An Anthology of Quotations for Christmas... a truly appropriate gift for a half-hippie like me. This specific quote from the book reminds me of another quote I have loved for years:

Do not go to the garden of flowers!

O friend! go not there;

In your body is the garden of flowers.

Take your seat on the thousand petals of the lotus,

and there gaze on the infinite beauty.

~Kabir

I love how both of these touch on how the greatest complexities of life and existence are captured in the smallest little elements. One does not need to search vainly for grand prophecies or revelations to find truth. Truth is found in the grain of sand, a wild flower, and in your soul. And only in the precious moments of peace are you able to tap into that truth.

Your Mom.....

Too damn funny!!!

My latest picture

. . . and life goes on . . .

Well, it's probably not a huge surprise having read my previous blogs about married life, but my marriage is over/ending. Todd told me he wanted a divorce on June 28th. It was really weird, because it broke my heart, yet it felt okay. I love Todd and always will. He's an amazing man with many talents and so much potential. But we aren't on the same planet when it comes to priorities. Granted, I haven't lived up to my priorities for the past 3 years, but I've tried.



So now I am alone, and that hurts the worst of all the pain I am going through. It's hard to see hope, but I know it will work out okay in the end. I deserve a guy who adores me and wants to do all he can to make me happy. Why do I deserve that? Well, because that's what some guy out there deserves from me. Finding that guy is the hard part that I'm not too excited about right now.



Also, my employment has had an abrupt ending. Kind of like my marriage, I feel like it is the right time, but it still sucks and hurts. I've spent nearly 4 years at this job, and have sacrificed SO MUCH for the progress of the company. I've always loved the job and the work, but the people I've had to deal with are the less wonderful part of it. I am looking forward to working Mary Kay more, finding a FUN job to pay the bills, and finishing school this fall.



Yes, life will go on. I will be okay. I will wake up completely happy one day, and I'll be with a man who loves me completely and unconditionally. I'll have little rug-rats running around the house, and I'll be making good money pursuing my career in Mary Kay. Life will go on.

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So True

This is one of the funniest pictures I've seen in a long time. For obvious reasons. :)

Mary Kay!!!

You'll never believe what I just did!! I decided to start a career with Mary Kay. I'm nervous and excited, but I love the product and the opportunities it will open up in my life.

Shop 24 hours a day and get $5 off your first online purchase!

Visit me, your Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant:

http://www.marykay.com/abenson03


Have a great day!

Thriving Life

Isn't it strange how plants can thrive in the most obscure places? This picture was taken on or near Bald Mountain in the Uinta National Forest in Utah in July 2005. I like how it is a vertical wall of stone with a luscious green plant thriving from a crack in the wall.

I'd like to think that I can be like that plant...thriving in what may seem like an impossible or highly unlikely situation. I know I am capable of great things in life, especially when I am tapped into the truest life source - Jesus Christ. As I continue to have faith in my potential and increase my efforts to truly get to know my savior, I know I will succeed.

Molly Lichlyter Marks needs your help!



My Dear Family and Friends,

As a former seminary teacher of Elliot's, I share this information I received and join in the plea of Molly's cause. Kosette and Alison became friends with the Lichlyter family and love Molly. If any are able to help, this is a worthy cause to a very dear family.

Also, would you please considering sending this e-mail on to your family and friends? Thank you!

Lola

-=+=- -=+=- -=+=- -=+=- -=+=-

Dear Friends and Family:

As many of you know, our sweet Molly was first diagnosed with liver cancer six years ago when she was a senior in high school. She very bravely handled her first surgery in March of 2000, to remove 85% of her liver. Hopes were high that the surgery would remove all existing cancer and that she would recover without the need of any further treatments. Great things were in store for her. Molly met and married the love of her life - Elliot, a devoted and supportive husband and best friend. Molly and Elliot were then blessed with their miracle baby, a beautiful daughter, Jaycie.

Unfortunately, in the summer of 2004, her cancer returned - again in her liver. The same surgery was performed, and once again great hopes flourished that this would be the end of this battle in her life. However, in February of this year, we were all crushed to learn that not only has the cancer returned, but that the tumors are inoperable, due to size and location. Molly's only hope, at this point, is a liver transplant, which needs to be performed as soon as possible given the aggressive rate at which her cancer is growing. Surgery is scheduled for May 24th. This is where we come to you with a plea for help and prayer.

From a medical standpoint, Molly is prepared for the surgery. All necessary tests have been performed on her and her younger brother, Zach, who has graciously volunteered to be her donor. Molly's insurance company finally consented coverage for her after an extensive appeal process. However, they have declined coverage for Zach. Today we were advised that Zach's insurance has also denied him coverage as a donor. This news added devastation to already existing devastation. Molly's immediate family and close friends are doing all they can to quickly gather the necessary funds, which must be paid prior to surgery, but we have a large goal to reach. The estimated cost is approximately $50,000 for Zach. Not only is the surgery a great expense, but Molly will initially be on 18 medications to support her acclimation to her new liver, and then lifelong anti-rejection medications.

With humble hearts, we reach out to you and ask for your help. An account has been set up in the name of Molly Marks at Bank of America. The account number is 0043-7991- 6588. Truly, we are sincere when we say no gift is too small. We know that the small, yet generous, gift of MANY is all it will take to help Molly. Time is of the essence. We appreciate all of you who have been praying for Molly and our family all these years. We can especially use them now. Thank you for being a part of this journey with us.

For questions regarding the surgery, please contact the Good Samaritan Transplant Center Coordinators at 602-251-2700 or Peggy Lichlyter (Molly's Mom) at (602)843-2885 or lichfam@cox.net. Please feel free to forward this to any who might be willing to help.

Women's Conference

Hola! I don't have much to say right now, but for the world of anonymity to know, I'm in a pretty good space.

I went to the LDS Women's Conference yesterday with the girls in the family and had a great time. I don't live near my family at all, so it's really nice to be able to visit with them when I can. This time it was my mom and 2 sisters-in-law. We had a good time!

What I got out of the conference is:

• Manage your time well. Realize that you cannot do it all so do what you can Happily.
• There is nothing on this earth more important than family. NOTHING.
• Children are the fruit of life. I love fruit.
• I have so much potential and am a beloved daughter of God.
• My marriage needs work. I am willing to put in the work required.
• Priorities are important (duh), so regular evaluation of my priorities will serve me well.

It was time well spent.

14 year old Hottie

Here I am, making fun of 14-year olds and what they do with their cameras. I was teasing my step-daughter this weekend about the "sexy" picture (that isn't very sexy)....how you tilt your head a little bit, turn your head in one direction, stare mischeviously into the camera as you do the pouty lips and snap your own "oh-so-sexy" shot. :) What a riot. She didn't appreciate my teasing. haha

My Testimonial of Essential Oils

I am a Young Living Distributor. www.youngliving.us

I was first introduced to Young Living by a good friend, Heather in January 2003. We were headed out for a week of camping at the wilderness program where we worked. (Camping PLUS being staff for "at-risk" youth - one week on, one week off.)

Anyway, all of my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, I would get strept throat 3-5 times each year. One of my doctors told me that this is normal and I should wash my hands more often. LOL Whatever!

So, as we were getting ready to head out to the wilderness, I could feel another case of strept coming on. I told Heather how bad my throat was hurting. She looked in my throat and saw white spots and without skipping a beat offered me something that she knew would help. I've always been open to new things, so I naturally invited any possible remedy. My throat hurt bad!!

She gave me a partial-bottle of Thieves and explained that it was a blend of essential oils. This made a little sense to me, so I gratefully took the bottle. Three times a day, I would drop 2-4 drops of the oil under my tongue, hold it there for a while, tilt my head back and let the oil cover the back of my throat, then swallowed the oil with a few swigs of water. Immediately, my throat began to feel better. Sure, it didn't taste very good, but it helped! I continued with the process all week, finishing the bottle.

I could not believe that it kicked the strept. For someone who has had strept as often as I had, this was nothing short of a miracle. I went with Heather to the Young Living store and purchased a few more oils and began my healthier life.

If you know anyone who is ready to have a healthier life, make a comment and I'll get back to you. I know that the oils I have used have improved my overall health and well-being. They are amazing.

The Light

Well, I've learned that taking accountability is a difficult thing to do. Most of the time, you can't even see your own contribution to messy situations. Even when you do finally "see the light," you then have to deal with pride. Admitting fault is hard to do. It makes you vulnerable! I decided to take the leap, and to accept the landing, regardless of how clumsy or painful it might be. The result was less than elegant, but I am so glad I did it. I now have a solid foundation to start from. And the start will be repairing myself...working on my own self-worth, self-efficacy, and self-love. I can only control myself, so I may as well begin.

What the hell?

How can anyone be angry for over a month? I upset my husband, and he is holding a grudge like no woman you have ever met. I've tried apologizing over and over...I've tried to arrange "dates" where we could go out with other couples, I attempt to connect physically, even if only rubbing his shoulder for a minute or giving him a hug. It's a cold shoulder I am receiving and I don't understand. Why are relationships so hard? I believe 100% that the only thing that destroys relationships is pride. Whether one or both people in a relationship are being prideful, there are going to be problems. An absence of pride is characterized by communication, willingness to hear and understand, seeing a need to validate eachother and compromise when needed, emotional as well as physical intimacy, care and concern for the well-being of the other. And so many more characteristics... I hope it can heal, but I really worry that the longer it continues like this, the worse it will get and the harder it will be to change. I love my husband... I hope he still loves me too.

She let herself go...

These are the lyrics to a song by George Strait. I heard it for the first time last night and just about laughed my ass off. You see...I've been told that I have completely let myself go. What's funny, though, is that I'm not unattractive. I have put on a few too many pounds, but it's nothing permenant. People who think that beauty is measured by your waist size are messed up in the head. Whatever happened to just loving someone for who they are, for who they can become, and for who you are when you are around them? Don't blame it on my fat ass...


He wondered how she'd take it when he said goodbye.
Thought she might do some cryin': lose some sleep at night.
But he had no idea, when he hit the road,
That without him in her life, she'd let herself go.

Let herself go on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go.

She poured her heart an' soul into their three-bedroom ranch.
Spent her days raisin' babies, ironin' his pants.
Came home one day from the grocery store and found his note,
And without him there to stop her, she let herself go.

Let herself go on her first blind-date:
Had the time of her life with some friends at the lake.
Let herself go, buy a brand new car,
Drove down to the beach he always said was too far.
Sand sure felt good between her toes:

She let herself go on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go.

To Vegas once: Honolulu, New York City.
Came back knocked-out pretty.

One of my goals

Am I retarded or what?

I can't figure out how to get this all set up... I am computer-disabled, that's for sure!

Brand Spankin' New

I'm new to the blogging thing and looking forward to having an area to rant, vent, cry, dabble, etc. Maybe I'll have something decent to say once in a while.