Here are a couple exerpts from another blog I was checking out today... Lonely Roads and Psycho Paths.
There are certain sounds the earth makes that let you know you're exactly where you're supposed to be. If you listen closely, if you pay attention, you can actually hear: The universe sighing.
"You can build a mansion, but you just can't live in it
You're the fastest runner but you're not allowed to win
Some break the rules, and let you cut the cost
The insecurity is the thing that won't get lost."
-Howard Jones
Friday, January 26, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Patchwork Quilt
I was reading some other blogs today, and really liked one of them... http://seveninchesofsense.mu.nu/. Here's an exerpt from one of her entries...boy is she a powerful writer.
"I do have a hole in my heart. Many of them actually. And I cherish every single one of them. Each of those holes is there because I ripped pieces of myself out and gave them to people I have loved along the way...family, friends, lovers, boyfriends. And for the rest of their lives, no matter what the circumstance, that piece of me belongs to them and them alone. And in turn, they gave me pieces of their hearts that I carry with me proudly. If I could show it to you, it would look like a patchwork quilt that has been carefully woven. And while it may not all fit together perfectly and it might not be shiny and whole...the beauty is in the flaws."
Her words hit a very strong moral fiber of mine...that as Alfred, Lord Tennyson said, "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I have been belittled and demeaned for my continual faith in love and willingness to give it away so freely. My ex-husband thought me a fool for leaving such a tender heart so unguarded. So, I commemorate Joan (seveninchesofsense) for being a fellow fool... When the time comes for us to set our lives on the balance, there will be no deficit when it comes to giving love.
"I do have a hole in my heart. Many of them actually. And I cherish every single one of them. Each of those holes is there because I ripped pieces of myself out and gave them to people I have loved along the way...family, friends, lovers, boyfriends. And for the rest of their lives, no matter what the circumstance, that piece of me belongs to them and them alone. And in turn, they gave me pieces of their hearts that I carry with me proudly. If I could show it to you, it would look like a patchwork quilt that has been carefully woven. And while it may not all fit together perfectly and it might not be shiny and whole...the beauty is in the flaws."
Her words hit a very strong moral fiber of mine...that as Alfred, Lord Tennyson said, "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I have been belittled and demeaned for my continual faith in love and willingness to give it away so freely. My ex-husband thought me a fool for leaving such a tender heart so unguarded. So, I commemorate Joan (seveninchesofsense) for being a fellow fool... When the time comes for us to set our lives on the balance, there will be no deficit when it comes to giving love.
Friday, January 19, 2007
All Mixed Up
Guys confuse the hell out of me. Not any one of them in particular.... I'm actually going to generalize this statement to about 75% of the guys I've ever dated. That may be a conservative number.
And for the record, I really appreciate the 25% who weren't confusing. You were concise about what you wanted, and whether I agreed with it or not, at least I knew.
Back to the confusion...
Don't tell a girl you want a laid back relationship without the committment then get all pissed off when you realize she actually heard what you said and is willing to go with it. Push your clit aside and let your balls drop. You have nothing to get all jealous and sensitive over if she kisses another dude or two at a stupid ass New Years party. We're not even a "thing," remember?!?!
I've always vowed I'd never become the convenient girlfriend. The convenient girlfriend compromises what she wants out of life and a relationship to appease the guy (or girl) that she's dating. Without going into any details that would add annoying length to this blog, I've realized I'm the convenient girlfriend. It's so completely apparent, because according to the other person, I'm not even the girlfriend. But we act like it is that kind of relationship. At least it feels that way often enough to confuse the hell out of me. So WTF?
All I know is that I don't want to end up down the road 6 months or a year later and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. Though I'm not ready right now, I would like to remarry and have a chill little family. I would love to have that stability in my life. If I'm not getting any closer to that desire I have, what the hell am I doing?? Am I smart enough to handle this situation in a healthy way?
And as long as I'm venting... If we are on a first date and I don't make a lot of eye contact with you, touch your arm, shoulder, or leg, or give you "the look," DON'T THINK YOUR ASS CAN GET ALL CUDDLY AND AFFECTIONATE WITH ME. Get a grip on your hormones and take a minute to think about what's really going on. If you're not interested in talking and making an investment in building up some trust in the relationship, move the hell along. I don't need you, and I sure as hell don't want you wasting my time. And don't be a needy, pussy kind of guy. Lame.
Man, I sound bitchy. I've just dealt with some major dumb asses lately, and it's getting old. That's what I get for participating in online dating, I guess.
**Update:**
Relationships 1, 2, and 3 mentioned above are all essentially OVER. Funny how that works, isn't it?
And for the record, I really appreciate the 25% who weren't confusing. You were concise about what you wanted, and whether I agreed with it or not, at least I knew.
Back to the confusion...
Don't tell a girl you want a laid back relationship without the committment then get all pissed off when you realize she actually heard what you said and is willing to go with it. Push your clit aside and let your balls drop. You have nothing to get all jealous and sensitive over if she kisses another dude or two at a stupid ass New Years party. We're not even a "thing," remember?!?!
I've always vowed I'd never become the convenient girlfriend. The convenient girlfriend compromises what she wants out of life and a relationship to appease the guy (or girl) that she's dating. Without going into any details that would add annoying length to this blog, I've realized I'm the convenient girlfriend. It's so completely apparent, because according to the other person, I'm not even the girlfriend. But we act like it is that kind of relationship. At least it feels that way often enough to confuse the hell out of me. So WTF?
All I know is that I don't want to end up down the road 6 months or a year later and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. Though I'm not ready right now, I would like to remarry and have a chill little family. I would love to have that stability in my life. If I'm not getting any closer to that desire I have, what the hell am I doing?? Am I smart enough to handle this situation in a healthy way?
And as long as I'm venting... If we are on a first date and I don't make a lot of eye contact with you, touch your arm, shoulder, or leg, or give you "the look," DON'T THINK YOUR ASS CAN GET ALL CUDDLY AND AFFECTIONATE WITH ME. Get a grip on your hormones and take a minute to think about what's really going on. If you're not interested in talking and making an investment in building up some trust in the relationship, move the hell along. I don't need you, and I sure as hell don't want you wasting my time. And don't be a needy, pussy kind of guy. Lame.
Man, I sound bitchy. I've just dealt with some major dumb asses lately, and it's getting old. That's what I get for participating in online dating, I guess.
**Update:**
Relationships 1, 2, and 3 mentioned above are all essentially OVER. Funny how that works, isn't it?
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Back to the basics...
There are few things in this life that induce a feeling of peace for me. And I've lost touch with even those few things.
- Yoga
- Camping or simply spending time in the wilderness
- Essential Oils
- Yerba Mate
- Prayer
- Sunrise
- Sunset
- Service
- Self-Love
- Accomplishments
It is my intention to get back to these basics...to take time by myself, for myself. The half-hippie side of me has gone neglected far too long.
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